Oh me, oh my!
Busy, busy, busy!! That is the only way I can describe my life right now.
We decided to do everything in the house ourselves. Save some $$!
Just to demo our shower and the walls we wanted replaced we got quoted a couple grand, we did it all for the price of F.R.E.E!
However, I won't have a master shower for quit some time, but the dry wall guy comes this Friday to quote for dry wall repair and painting of my kitchen!
Despite all the hectic vibes we have going on in the house, I still managed to make it out to a double header barrel race this weekend.
The relationship between a horse and rider is like nothing I can explain.
Trust, loyalty, partnership and love.
Missile and I have had our ups and downs.
Her going in and out of being lame, and me not "helping" her enough around the barrels. We both have a long way to go.
I haven't, in a long time...if ever, came out saying, "that was an awesome ride."
I am most of the time leaving the gate thinking "what was I DOING!"
Well, the race this weekend, I was in the holding pen waiting for my drag (five runners per drag) and notice that I was about to run in the same line up with Jill Moody.
Don't know Jill?
She is a PRCA Camp and has made it to the NFR multiple years in a row.
She's one heck of a cowgirl.
So as IF that wasn't pressure enough the runner right before me clocked the fastest time they had that day so far.
Of course she did.
In my head I am thinking about all that I have been trained to do...
"don't hold her back, kick, slide your hand, look, GO ON"
Simple enough?
You would think! I completely blew past not only my first, but my second and did more of a roll back then a turn on my third.
I CHOKED!
I was (and still am) so angry with myself.
Here comes some honesty...
The first thoughts that went through my head were, maybe I'm in the wrong sport.
Let me elaborate...
I am by NO MEANS aggressive, so being an aggressive rider? Will I ever be that?
The second thought I had was about the condition of my mare. I think about her well being obsessively.
Her age.
the fact that she has the potential to go lame (aaaalot easier then other horses)
Her arthritis.
Do I ride well? Yes! I know I do. I ride center, I ride quite, I FEEL my horse.
I finally call myself a good rider after Matt brought home Atlas and I was able to make him a better horse (even though he still has "holes")
The horse I have and the knowledge I have been given by my trainer have made me a good rider.
But does that make me a good competitor?
I am trying to keep up in a high speed, competitive sport.
I try to keep telling myself that every one of those cowgirls at NFR has blown past a barrel.
Every one of them has HIT a barrel.
They have had their bad runs, their great runs, runs they wish no one else saw.
But they NEVER gave up.
As I am writing I am still frustrated and at the point where I want "to take a break"
Focus on my fiance and his needs and wants in life because I know most of his time goes into me and my horses.
But then I go back to, if I take time off, that is only going to set me back!
Although I am having feelings of doubt, frustration, anger (at myself) and feelings of wanting to give up, I know its not what I really want deep down in my heart.
I feel that some people search their entire life trying to find happiness, what they were meant to do, who they were meant to be and I am blessed to have found the answer to all those.
I have loved horses my entire life and I knew after the first time I did barrel racing, even though I almost flew out of my saddle, it is all I wanted to do the rest of my life.
I may not be a pro rider.
I may not be the greatest rider.
I may not have the fastest horse.
But I AM a Cowgirl, and I will NOT give up.
This is who I am, and who I was born to be.
Now...if I could ONLY enter the gate with that much confidence.... ;)
I love ending things with a quote, especially if it is relevant, which, this is.
"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it."
